A Better Vocabulary for Emotional Expressions Termed as Love
Exploring the Various Types of Love from the Ancient Greek Culture
Love is an illusory concept. It can be the symbol of happiness, strength and good, or it can be the source of suffering, weakness and evil. Love in contemporary society is often the source of all evils. All the atrocities that a person inflicts on the other are done in the name of love. Whether it is love for a person, an identity, a deity, an ideology, a dream, money, or oneself, love is often a catalyst for evil actions. This is why it is important to find better vocabulary to express our genuine emotions towards each other. Greeks had multiple words for a range of emotions that are labeled in society as love. In this article, we shall explore the meaning of all of them.
LUDUS (lūdus)
Ludus is the playful love which exists often between young people. It involves playfulness, flirting, teasing, excitement, and seduction. It is a precursor to Eros and is the element of courtship behavior. It is based on stimulation of emotions and arousal.
EROS (ἔρως)
Eros was the son of Aphrodite, — the Greek Goddess of desire. Eros is the term used in Greek for pleasure and passion. This is the most common meaning of love when it is spoken in western culture. The goal of such love is to obtain pleasures by indulging in pleasureful experiences. Eros can be a great stimulant for action because it overrides the rational faculty of the brain, however, it is a slippery slope. The impulsivity originating from the heat of desire can be both the seed for creativity and the flame for destruction.
This is also the kind of love which is the source of all human suffering. It is a temporary relief from the infinite pain which is the natural human existence. However, unfortunately, all the society and infact humanity revolves around this phenomenon. Humans seek pleasure to escape the horrors of existence which to their dismay, only exacerbates their suffering. Even the most intimate acts of eros provide momentary glimpses of pleasure before fading into the abyss. The relationships which start as warm and exciting soon become dull and cold. Like a fist full of sand, the more somebody grabs onto experiences of pleasure, the more they slip away from them. The cycle of lack, desire, gratification, and back to lack results in an infinite loop of suffering. This is why eros is perhaps the kind of love which has been the main subject of study in the most spiritual practices (e.g., Buddhism). In a society where attention is the main currency, it is becoming increasingly important to be aware of the harmful effects that such a type of love has on our mental health and wellbeing, both individually and society as a whole.
PHILAUTIA (φιλαυτία)
Philautia is the Greek term for ‘self-love’. It is a bit nuanced type of love which can manifest one of the two ways; a) positive self-love b) negative self-love. The healthy version of self-love involves self-compassion which is regarded as an essential ingredient even in spiritual traditions. It is acceptance, tenderness and care for one’s basic needs and wellbeing. It is an important form of love which also forms the basis of love for others; because one can’t love anything else if one is not comfortable in their own skin.
The negative form of Philautia is the type in which one indulges excessively in one’s own self. This can express itself in the form of vanity, pride, excessive self-indulgence, and narcissism. It is a very dangerous type of love and perhaps the root cause of much of the suffering in society.
MANIA
It is the type of love which can be understood as Eros went rogue. It is an irrational obsession with the other to the extent that it endangers the wellbeing of the self or the other. A person in such love can become possessive and behave as if one can’t live without the object of their love. Although some writers/poets have romanticized it in literature. However, it is most often an expression of some kind of psychological disorder (e.g., Narcissism or Borderline Personality Disorder).
PHILIA (φιλία)
Philia is the kind of love which emerges as a result of pair-bonding between the individuals. It may or may not be between romantic partners. It is the kind of love which is based on equality, trust, virtues, authenticity, and common values. When people are bonded by philia, they seek what’s best for each other. It is also the kind of love which is termed as true/ideal friendship. It is often a mature type of love which develops between equal partners over time, and which transcends physical attraction. It also involves empathy, sacrifice, and loyalty and it forms the basis of any community.
STORGE (στοργή)
Storge means the natural affection or care which exists between parents and children. It is a uni-directional/unconditional love for the other in the service and wellbeing of the other. It involves kindness and empathy. There is a sacrificial element to it along with a complete acceptance of the other. It can also be present between the other members of the family as well but is mostly meant to refer to a kind of love which exists between caretakers and young children.
PRAGMA
Pragma is the kind of love which has transcended from physical eros and has turned into a mature form of love. It is the understanding, commitment, and acceptance of the romantic partner regardless of their change in physical attributes or behavior. It is most commonly what exists in committed relationships and marriages. It involves patience, endurance, and compromise for the sake of being together. For example, couples stay in marriages for the sake of raising children regardless of the fact that their physical attributes change over time and passion vanishes. This kind of love is more based on reason than desire. Romanticism may or may not be present in a pragmatic relationship. For example, it can also exist between long-term work colleagues.
XENIA (ξενία)
Xenia is the type of love which exists between strangers and is based on hospitality. It involves generosity, cultural values, moral obligations, and reciprocity. People in this kind of love provide services, exchange gifts and show generosity. The example of such love can be in the form of hospitality for guests, taking care of patients, and voluntary community services.
AGAPE (ἀγάπη)
Agape is perhaps the most mature form of love which can be understood as brotherly love, compassion, or the love for humanity. It is the kind of love where the motivation of doing good deed is not reciprocal and is often done in the name of God or for the good of humanity. Acts of charity, philanthropy, spreading goodwill and reducing suffering for others are all examples of Agape. It is the kind of love which is often exhibited and preached by saints, sages, and prophets. In such a universal love, an individual seeks the good of the other unconditionally regardless of their flaws and shortcomings.
Conclusions
In this article, we have visited some of the Greek terms for love. Love is a word which has been misused and abused a lot in contemporary society. It is therefore important to accurately classify the range of emotions that exist underneath the word love. Having limited vocabulary can often lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. Furthermore, understanding the deeper meaning of love can lead to better relationships and societies.